What is it about Divorce that makes people get so stuck in the past? Perhaps the disappointment of the lost dreams, the fear that they didn't do their best in the relationship, their failure to accept what has happened, or the fear of what they will face in the future cause them to focus on the past instead of the present. It's often easier for a person to look back and blame past circumstances and the actions of others for the present situation than it is to accept what has happened and move forward in a positive manner. This can result in anger directed at other people and circumstances. It's easier to be angry at another person than to look inside yourself to see what you can do to move forward and make your life better. Eckhart Tolle recognizes a cause of anger, "Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath."
If you've read my past blog entries you know that I'm fascinated with the concepts of anger, retaliation, and vengence. One of the most applicable quotes about anger for Divorce is William Congreve in The Mourning Bride, "Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd. / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd." Frederick Buechner captures the exhilaration of anger and, at the same time, recognizes the destruction of the self caused by anger: "Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."
Malachy McCourt made one of my favorite statements about resentment, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
Of course, one of the most widely known statements on revenge is in Romans 12:14-22: "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
If people could live by this creed, the world would be a much healthier place for all of us.
If you've read my past blog entries you know that I'm fascinated with the concepts of anger, retaliation, and vengence. One of the most applicable quotes about anger for Divorce is William Congreve in The Mourning Bride, "Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd. / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd." Frederick Buechner captures the exhilaration of anger and, at the same time, recognizes the destruction of the self caused by anger: "Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."
Malachy McCourt made one of my favorite statements about resentment, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
Of course, one of the most widely known statements on revenge is in Romans 12:14-22: "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
If people could live by this creed, the world would be a much healthier place for all of us.
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