How Do Parents Alienate Their Chlildren From the Target Parent?  Parents alienate their children from the other parent using isolation, psychological dependence, and fear. The most common ploy used by parents according to Dr. Richard A. Warshak as outlined in his book Divorce Poison is corrupting reality to warp the children’s minds against the other parent. Dr. Warshak lists the following as some of the most common strategies for distorting the children’s perceptions, beliefs, and memories of the target parent:
    1. Manipulating names to disrupt the children’s identification with the target parent. 
    2. Repeating false ideas until they are assumed to be true and are embedded in the children’s memory.
    3. Selectively directing the children’s attention to negative aspects of the target parent while ignoring positive aspects.
    4. Dropping the context of the target parent’s behavior.
    5. Exaggerating the target parent’s negative behavior.
    6. Telling lies about the target parent.
    7. Revising history to erase positive memories of the target parent.
    8. Claiming that the target parent has totally changed.
    9. Suggestions that convey in a covert manner negative messages about the target parent.
    10. Encouraging the children to exploit the target parent.
    11. Projection of the alienating parent’s own thoughts, feeling, or behavior onto the target parent.
    12. Rationalizations that hide the alienating parent’s real motives and make the target parent look bad.
    13. Self-righteous tones intended to ward off careful scrutiny of the alienating parent’s reality distortions. 
    14. Denunciations cloaked in religious dogma.
    15. Associating the label "the truth" with the alienating parent’s implanted scenarios. 
    16. Overindulging the children with excessive privileges, material possessions, and low expectations for responsible behavior to buy their allegiance.
    17. Encroaching on the children’s time with the target parent and sabotaging their enjoyment of their special activities.
    18. Instructing the children to keep secrets from, spy on, and lie to the target parent.
    19. Conspiring with others to reinforce the programming.
    20. Programming the children to resist attempts to undo their indoctrination. 
    I am so amazed that parents can act in this manner.  See the blog post below to see the long term detriment that this causes to children. 
    Click here for Dr. Warshak's website. 

Different People React Differently to Separation and Divorce.  One of the most extreme and insidious actions a parent can take during a divorce is to alienate their children from the other parent. This is akin to brainwashing the children.  The children join the alienating parenting in anger and blame directed at the targeted parent.  The tragic effect of Parental Alienation is the long term damage to the children which, according to The Co-Parenting Survival Guide * include:  (1) difficulting in forming intimate relationships, especially later in life; (2) difficulty in managing anger and hostility in their relationships; (3) conflicts with others, especially persons in positions of authority; (4) psychosomatic symptoms, including anxiety and depression manifested by disturbances in sleeping and eating, energy level, interest level, and even by suicidal ideation; and (5) an inability to move forward with their lives due to the obsession with the target parent.  The severity of these effects depends upon how long the alienation has been going on and the severity of the alientation efforts of the alienating parent.  
    It is hard to believe that parents can do this to their children, but it happens frequently.  Behaviors indicative of alienation by a parent are that the parent: 
    1.   Believes that the child does not need to be parented by the other parent;
    2.   Allows the child to make independent decisions related to the parenting plan schedule:
    3.   Depicts the other parent as dangerous and not healthy for the child;
    4.   Makes denigrating remarks about the other parent;
    5.   Exaggerates the weaknesses of the other parent;
    6.   Hinders face-to-face and/or phone contact by interfering with the schedule and creating obtacles to phone calls or other communication;
    7.   Makes excessive contact with the child when the child is staying with the other parent;
    8.   Involves the child in discussing adult issues such as the causes for the divorce, divorce agreements, and finances; 
    9.   Interrogates the child after the child stays with the other parent;
    10.  Encourages the child's criticisms of the other parent and sympathizes with the child's negative viewpoint.
    The actions of the alienated child include that he or she:  
    1.   Openly expresses hatred and dislike of the targeted parent;
    2.   Presents unrealistic, exaggerated reasons;
    3.   Refuses to speak to or visit the targeted parent;
    4.   Shows little or no evidence of guilt or upset over behavior;
    5.   Gives reasons that are seemingly rehearsed and repetitious;
    6.   Evidences extremely upsetting behavior if forced to visit or talk with the targeted parent;
    7.   Allies with the alienating parent to the point where the child repeats the words of that parent, mimicking their thoughts and arguments;
    8.   Has access to and repeats inappropriate information that should only be available to adults;
    9.   Plays the role of spy for the alienating parent;
    10.  The child describes things in a very restricted and black and white manner, thus creating a schism between the parents.  
    If you see these conditions occuring in your children, the other parent, or yourself, there could be a very serious situation and you should seek the help of a counselor well-versed in Parental Alienation. 
    Our job as parents is to help and nurture our children through the life-altering event of divorce, not to embroil them to the point that they have long-reaching emotional problems. 

* By Elizabeth Thayer, Ph.D. and Jeffery Zimmerman, Ph.D.